you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
