If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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