shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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