she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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