I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
