The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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