there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
