I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
