she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
