Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
