i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
