i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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