jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Boobs are out for the taking
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My vagina just clenched in fear
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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