my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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