So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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