I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Is it because I queefed?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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