i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
