Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
