nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
