She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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