I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
