i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She needs sedatives and a leash
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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