Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
