Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
