It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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