i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Randomize
