those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
