the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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