I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
