We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
