Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
