the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
