The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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