forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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