On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
