That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
