Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
