Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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