oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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