We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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