All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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