You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
