if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
