If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
