that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
