I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My cat gives me a boner
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
