It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
