mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
