I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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