I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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