The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
