I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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