I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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