got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
