my phone needs a breathalizer
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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