Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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